New Year?

Where the hell is the time going? I feel like I am going to wake up one of these days complaining about my hip replacement and rushing the fridge for my Ensure fix. I don’t remember a time in my life when the years went by so fast. In high school it felt like it would never end (in a good and bad way). I think that having kids is a lot like pressing the fast forward button on the remote controlling the movie of life. I spend so much time going from one phase or one first to the next that before I know it my oldest is 7 months away from entering the school system and my youngest isn’t far behind. Where did it all go?
I think it is the constant suspension you live in as a parent. Watching these people I made grow and thrive while fighting against the person they have made me. I have struggled since Remy’s birth with losing my self in the boys and I worry that I have taken for granted the years up until now. I have memories of them as babies but it all feels so rushed. Should I have appreciated more? Should I have worried less about who I was supposed to be after them? Should I have just stopped and enjoyed the sweet smell and stumbling steps along the way?

With this year I am realizing that I struggle less with the stay at home mom I chose to become. Seeing how secure, healthy, smart, and happy my boys are is slowly showing me that my decision to give up the career I worked so hard for was not wasted. I went into teaching to make a difference and found out quickly that with the current climate that was impossible. After staying home with my kids these past 4 years I am realizing that the difference I wanted to make with everyone else’s kids is being made right here in my own home. Everything I wanted to offer strangers I am here to give my own children. In college I always said if I reached just one child it would make it all worth while but, now I am reaching two in a more thorough way than I could have ever achieved in the school system.

My boys have made dreams come true I held long before they were even an idea in my head. I have spent too long worrying about all having them took from me. I should have spent it seeing all they had given me. So what if society defines your self worth based on how much you make and what you achieve. I am achieving more than my past station allowed. Someday they will need me less (if at all) and then I can find out who I was supposed to be but for now, starting with this new year, I am going to enjoy just who I am. A stay at home mom to Lash and Remy. Two little people who make the years go faster but also make them much more rewarding.

Time or circumstances may creep in like a thief and take the ability to make Lash, Remy, and Dave my sole focus. So, since you can’t get it back, from this year forward I will no longer squander this gift of time Dave has worked so hard to give to us. Life isn’t passing me by, it is escorting me into a very bright future.



Happy New Year to anyone still reading. Let’s all remember to love ourselves and live up to our own expectations and forget about those others place on us. You are the only one you have to impress.

How to Have Fun at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum

Several weeks ago my husband was online and saw that Madam Tussuad's Wax Museum at the Venetian Hotel had gained a wax figure of MMA fighter Chuck Liddell. Due to the fact that we are total MMA fans and we needed to get the boys out of the house before we tied them up in their rooms and ran away from home to entertain them, we decided to make a rare trip down to the Las Vegas strip (locals avoid that shit whenever possible) and check it out. My kids haven't been down there in a while and were amazed by all of the hotels. I have never seen two people so enthralled with a parking garage. We could have hung out in there and they would have been perfectly happy but, we wanted to see the museum and I think my youngest, Remy, had a hankering to feel the camaraderie of the roulette table (not, he prefers the lavish bars like mommy and daddy).

We walked through the casino which is a very slow process with two short legged, bobble head toddlers and made our way to the counter to buy tickets. Upon entering the first room it was overly crowded and everyone was taking pictures with the figures so you couldn't walk without being a fixture in some tourists family memory. We made our way to our first wax figure of the legendary Jenna Jamison (that's right, the porn star) and this was the photo we decided to take:

Now, though we thought this was hilarious many around us did not follow suit. The boys had no clue they were just happy to be out and taking a pic. Little did any of the tourists know we were just getting started and if they were going to be near us during their tour they were going to be displeased further. Next to Jenna's waxy form was Brittney Spears and Dave was up next:

After giggling like idiotic Middle School kids we decided to try and get ahead of the crowd and went to the next room. It was my turn to take a picture with golfer and known manwhore Tiger Woods.

If this looks awkward it's because I was very embarrassed and did not get my head as close to his crotch as we had planned (not a problem for the hookers he cheated with). Just so you can see we aren't completely immature with little to know respect for our children here's one of our normal pics with Chuck (the inspiration for this naughty trip).

Yes, the face I am making here is stupid but that's how I roll (plus I hate pictures of myself and feel awkward in front of a camera). The next room held every one's favorite "alleged" child molester Michael Jackson. Can you guess who posed with him? If you said our kids then you're right (no prizes though, who do I look like, Bob Barker?)

We had told the boys to stand with their hands in a stop pose which if you look closely Lash is doing. I think Remy has some of the "Jesus Juice" in his sippy there and that may be why he seems a little more receptive to Mr. Jackson's presence (like the lucky boys who visited Wonderland). One of the last few pictures exemplifies how quickly kids can learn and then emulate any behavior:

Here you see sweet Lash molesting Madonna of his own free will. All I told him was stand next to her but he, much like his father, is a leg man (maybe because he can't reach the boobs yet).

In our defense we had fun so fuck all the tourists who were too good for our crass behavior in front of our young offspring. We took some normal pictures but these were the fun ones and reveal our sense of humor and the classy people we truly are.  Besides, it was much more fun than the expensive and totally shitty Gondola ride we took afterward. The boys love boats and we were enjoying our time out so we thought we'd take the Gondola around the hotel, little did we know that shit does not go around the hotel but stays in the pond out front with a 5 minute period spent under a bridge sweating your balls off. Being a Las Vegan I welcome everyone to come here and spend money to boost our economy but I do not suggest this rip off of an activity. Spend your money at the bars, in the casinos, or at the restaurants. Do not take the gondola ride. It is expensive (they charged us full price for Lash even though he's only 3) and the ride itself does not justify the price. You'd be better off riding the double decker public transit buses up and down the strip for 7 bucks.

In the end, it was a fun day and we look forward to our next debaucherous family outing. Just wait till we hit Disney Land when the boys get a little older. The happiest place on earth has nothin on the Houstons from Las Vegas.

Do you do crazy shit like this with your family or am I the most inappropriate mother on Earth? When you see someone acting like we did do you express your distaste and utter disgust via facial expressions or do you mind your own business?

Word to My Mutha

My mother has been reading my blog recently and demanded suggested that I write an ode to her post. Seeing as mother’s day is Sunday and she gave me a bad ass birthday gift birth I graciously agreed. Plus, my mom is a really great lady. From her I learned what it really is to be a mother and woman. She always loved us and no matter what, stood by us. There was a rough time when she and my father divorced several years ago and my brother and I chose to alienate ourselves from her for a while. My mom could have gotten angry and bitter with us and though she occasionally handled our anger without the proper amount of understanding she hung in there and waited for us to have our emotions out (it took like 5 or 6 years, we be some grudge holding ninjas). When we finally decided to come back around, she held none of it against us and took the relationship right back to what it was before. Forgiveness is always guaranteed with her.

When I was young my mother stayed home with us until we were in school. She did attend college while being a SAHM but never let it get in the way of her duties to us. Watching her get her education later in life while trying to raise two toddlers showed me it is never too late to better yourself and no matter what happens in life you can preserver. My mom was not perfect but she was honest, kind, and educational. She used to take flack from my father about her need to allow us to explain our less than acceptable behaviors. When kids weren’t supposed to have a voice, she provided ears and expected us to put some reason behind our choices (my brother’s bullshit skills are excellent as a result).

As a teenager I went through a very rebellious bitch like period and my mother and I often kicked the shit out of each other argued. She was very controlling and always up in my business. I detested it and at times her. It wasn’t until I had my kids that I understood what the hell she was doing (cliché but true). I was actually lucky to have a mother who was so involved in my life because though I did my fare share of bad things and was far from perfect I had more to fear and someone to answer to unlike my friends with less involved parents. I was also armed with the knowledge and background to choose my sins wisely and work through bad periods without being damaged by them. This also came from my mother. She never hid any of her past from us and in knowing all of her screw ups and wrong turns we were able to understand what we were getting into most of the time (not always, like I said, informed not perfect).

Now that I am an adult I can go to my mother for anything. She usually takes my side, she doesn’t judge me, and she tries her best to help. We still have our issues (especially after long periods of time together or when she tells me something I don’t want to hear) but I completely appreciate her for who she is and all she has given me.

A more selfish and generic reason I am thankful for her is her awsome genetics. She looks great at 56 and I am positive her ass has another 10 good years which gives me hope for my physical future. Looking at her, I have a vision of me at 70 in my beach side condo located in a beautiful yet debaucherous retirement community dancing around to “Baby Where’d You Get That Body From” by the Black Eyed Peas.

All joking aside, I love you mom. This mother’s day my gift to you is thanks. Thank you for being my mom and now my friend. I haven’t always shown it but I appreciate you. If I am half the mother to my boys that you were to my brother and I then I will consider myself successful. This parenting shit isn’t easy but you took it and ran with it and for that I am eternally grateful. So, I would like to wish a Happy Mother’s Day to my mom and all of the bad ass moms out there. We’re all doing a very tough and sometimes thankless job to the best of our ability and though we don’t always feel it, we are appreciated. You go ladies!!!

My Impending Super Sweet 32nd Birthday

  Since I have had very little blog inspiration lately and 2 Cent Tuesdays did not catch on the way I’d hoped I have decided to post about a very big event happening this Saturday. My 32nd birthday!! In fact, this weekend will be completely about me. Having a birthday Saturday and Mother’s Day on Sunday makes for a very narcissistic weekend. Birthdays are one of the many times living in Las Vegas really pays off. The celebration activities are endless and this year my husband and I will be throwing down Vegas style. We will be issuing this throw down Sunday instead of my actual birthday on Saturday because Saturday night is reserved for UFC 113. Lyoto Machida and Mauricio ShoGun Rua will be having their rematch. If you saw the first fight you would understand the importance of putting off a birthday outing to watch the event live because Shogun was robbed the first time when the fighters allowed the outcome of the fight to be made by the less than knowledgeable judges. My husband, little ones, and I will be joined by a few friends and family members to watch the fights and have some cake while my husband and I reserve our energy for Sunday’s debauchery.
 
  Sunday night is our night on the town sans kids. My husband and I will begin the night by having dinner at Serendipity 3 located inside Caesar’s Palace. This is a new establishment I have wanted to try for a while now. I have read mixed reviews but as always I will decide for myself. Let’s hope it is good. Amazingly we got dinner reservations for 7pm even though Sunday is Mother’s Day and restaurants become over crowded family mosh pits every year. After our quiet dinner (and cocktails) we will be moving on to Planet Hollywood to catch Peepshow with Holly Madison (and more cocktails of course). If you haven’t been to Vegas or don’t know Holly Madison she has been in this stage show based on Little Bo Peep and Red Riding Hood for like a year now. It consists of a little less fairytale and more of a Vegas staple, bare breasted dancing showgirls. We have wanted to see it for a while and felt that my birthday was the perfect excuse. We purchased great seats right in front of the stage. My husband met Ms. Madison on a flight a few months ago and according to her if you sit in the front the lovely ladies come down and interact with you so we may get VIP access to those dancing breasts. I will let you know.
 
  Though my kids won't be joining us for Sunday night's outing, they are so sweetly excited because they now truly understand what a birthday is and cannot believe mama gets one too. My 3 year old, Lash, has a list of items he would like to purchase for me which includes a “choo choo train” and a “neck-a-lace”. Luckily my husband will be escorting my little minions out Saturday afternoon to shop for their offerings of mama worship. He is great at leading them to purchases more along the lines of a necklace than a choo choo train.

  I know normally age is supposed to freak us out and make us depressed but I gotta tell you, I am just not there yet (maybe because I’m still relatively young). However, this is the first year I have started to notice the physical signs of my age. Until about 4 months ago I had just completely ignored what age was doing to my face. I have lines in my forehead which have deepened over the years and the skin on my face has taken on a different texture. Even though I have just recently joined reality and noticed the signs of my slow physical demise, my mind still feels pretty young. Now I completely understand the sentiment that age is how you feel. If it’s true my ass is still 25. In yo face wrinkles!!!

  Aside from my new wrinkle reality I am excited to get older. The older I get the more I understand myself. I have gained a confidence that I never experienced when I was younger. To me, this self awareness is well worth the remnants of father time’s exuberant tango across my face. I am now declaring myself a MYLF (mother you’d like to f*c*). I plan to be hot and feel young well into my 60’s. Wrinkles, saggy bits, and all. But, we will just have to wait and see. All of this self indulgent aplomb aside, something tells me those pesky little midlife years may not be as kind and could potentially crush my current expectations. I highly doubt it though. That being said, here’s to me and my 32nd year on this planet.

What are your feelings about your aging process? Do you get depressed around birthday time or do you celebrate like you just won the lottery?

Theaters; A Brave New World

For about the last year and a half my husband has been itching to take our sons Lash (3 ½) and Remy (2 ½) to the movies. Based on the toddler regime which rules my house and my days I have cock blocked this idea to no end. The fact that my kids can barley sit through their 30 minute cartoons or any movie on DVD led me to believe movies at a theater were not in our immediate future and had resigned myself to the fact we would not be enjoying theater flicks as a family until the little dudes were well into high school. Because of this resignation no one was more surprised than said husband when, last night, I gave in and agreed to take them to see How to Train Your Dragon this afternoon. Now, being an ex teacher and therefore trained in the fine art of preparation, I took some time last night to show my little guys the movie trailer online as well as a picture of what the inside of a theatre looked like. Then, my husband and I explained theater conduct and expectations along with how the day would go leading up to the movie (if my 3 year old does not have a schedule laid out prior to a promised event he will spend the day asking when we are leaving so advising “after nap” or “before lunch” buys us some peace prior to any outing).
This afternoon after a less than sufficient nap, a reiteration of conduct/expectations, and the required potty break we were off to the Orleans hotel and casino to take in our 2:40 matinee. We were all excited, even yours truly who had cringed at the mere thought of such an adventure in recent weeks. As my husband drove he expressed his excitement at the prospect of spending several of the upcoming 115 degree Las Vegas Saturdays in a movie theater with our precious offspring.

We arrived 10 minutes before the movie and got in line to purchase our tickets. That’s when Remy spotted the Kid Zone (a place for parents to drop the kids while they watch a movie alone) and here is his reaction to being told we were taking in a movie instead of playing there:

Lash on the other hand could care less about Kid Zone and wanted to get his movie on.

After purchasing tickets and calming Remy we got popcorn, soda, and each child got to pick a candy. Then we rushed to the theater (in the farthest reaches of the place) and sat in our seats. I exhaled a sigh of relief when I looked back into the theater and saw it was mostly empty. That meant few people to annoy should anyone’s attitude go downhill (present company included). Here are my cuties watching the previews:

I am now going to do something amazing and admit I was totally wrong. Our toddlers are badass. We made it through the whole thing which I had thought was impossible. Lash peed 4 times and both boys ate half a box of Junior Mints each. Toward the end of the film they had to stand and watch but we were in our own row so this was fine and at 2 and 3 years old completely expected. The movie itself was good but the fact they can now go to movies is even better. Las Vegas in the summer does not make for an enjoyable park experience unless you like heat exhaustion and 3rd degree slide burns.

I think for the next movie we’ll aim for a longer nap and less candy because Remy had a fit filled come down and Lash became completely deaf to any directions upon returning home. Being tired wasn’t a total loss though because my husband made a great dinner and the boys went to bed early allowing us to watch Strikeforce on CBS in peace (hopefully Hendo wins to celebrate his migration from UFC). This mom thing isn’t so hard. After patronizing a movie successfully I think I’m ready to conquer my fear and loathing of the kiddie mosh pit they call Chuck E Cheese. Or maybe we’ll just see another movie.

New Orleans, My New City of Dreams

So, as you may have read in my previous post (there are now 35 of “you” and I am assuming because of that someone is now reading this) Vay-Cay my husband and I went away for 7 wonderful kid/cleaning/work free days. We just returned on Tuesday hence the reason I have not blogged. I had more fun in those 7 days than I have had any day of my whole 31 years of life. As I had mentioned in my earlier post the last 2 years we have gone to the Bahamas and St. Lucia. As weird and impossible as this sounds this year New Orleans kicked both of those locations ass. We awoke each morning around 1030 and left our hotel room around 12pm so the MAID could clean up after us while we enjoyed food and drink. There was so much more to do in New Orleans than any of the other exotic beach locations and since we were a block from the French Quarter and Waterfront we could walk everywhere. We took a Swamp tour which I don’t suggest in winter because anything worth seeing in the swamp is pretty much dormant during winter (which they fail to tell you or account for in the pricing but it was still fun and our guide Bishop was great). We also took a Vampire tour which sounds cheesy but is very interesting. The night of the tour the fog settled eerily on the streets of the Quarter and our guide was a fountain of facts about interesting murders and missing persons history around the city. My husband and I even tried Absinthe for the first time that same night. Not a great tasting beverage but at 120 proof you can get past the taste and right to the buzz. Speaking of buzz, Friday night of our stay I discovered a drink they call the Hurricane which did me right in said buzz department. Sadly due to our drunken euphoria my husband and I decided to go into one of the many Bourbon street nightclubs called “Love Acts” (you may be able to guess the entertainment offered at such a venue). Now, being from Vegas I enjoy a good strip club as much as the next guy (except for Cheetahs, those bitches are totally fucking for money I know it). Decent law abiding strippers are fun, soft, and a nice way to get the marital juices flowing but this strip club was straight up depressing. Pictures of pretty woman adorn the windows but these women are no where to be found upon entering. We were seated right in front of the tiny unhygienic stage after fulfilling our 1 drink minimum. Then a large breasted bad weaved dancer proceeded to clomp around the stage. No one else was tipping so my husband and placed some pity dollars upon stage and discussed how gross the establishment was and debated whether or not to stay at which time the bad weave placed my husband’s unwashed dollar bills in his mouth for him to place in between her large breasts. He obliged because spitting them out and running would have been rude. Plus, they were really big boobs (she let me feel them, such a giving young lady). Let me tell you, stripper glitter and perfume do not come off without a lot of scrubbing. The next “act” consisted of two un-endowed, bruised young girls, one complete with a c-section scar (I’m not judging I too have scars but I have chosen a more covered line of work), wobbling around together and imitating “Love Acts”. We again placed pity dollars on stage which one tried to place between my breasts so she could take them with her mouth. I politely declined as did my husband and we high tailed it out of there. Those were the first strippers I felt sorry for. They were not well kept and hot like the ones we have here. There was little to no money on stage unlike the hundreds thrown around here so it was more sad there than fun. After that we avoided all other such clubs for the rest of our trip preferring to have such experiences here at home where the biz is cleaner and the girls are hotter (again just my opinion). In summation, New Orleans is the most fun and interesting city we have been to and we are planning many trips back. We even redecorated our bathroom in New Orleans fare out of our newly found love for the place. My husband is on a Cajun cooking kick. I have fallen in love with the pastry known as a Beignet which he will be attempting to perfect this weekend. Both of us were recharged and behaving like newlyweds again. I realized more than ever that he is "The One". After 7 full days together I would have loved nothing more than to spend a full 7 more. He is really the only person I need to have a great time where ever I may be and these vacations are a nice reminder of this fact. Though the next few weeks will be spent catching up and deprogramming my boys (grandmas have little to no rules but thank gosh mine have the time to allow us such a long vacation) it was well worth it. We are already planning next year’s big 7 day bender. Who knows, maybe we’ll be lighting it up in a city near you.

Appreciation, the Hottest Accessory for 2010

I recently joined SITS (The Secret is in the Sauce) and have been trying to consistently read and comment on the featured blogger as is the rule of the sight. Recently I read a really nice blog called “Jeannie’s Happy World” at http://happy-jeannie.blogspot.com/. One of her featured posts Two of My Most Favorite People got me thinking. Over the last few years I haven’t stopped to appreciate the great things in my life as often as I should have. So I’m thinking this year and in years to come I am going to appreciate more often. I, like many others, take some of the good things for granted. I get so caught up in the stress and rush of daily life I forget to appreciate all that is good. I have two beautiful, smart, healthy, and happy little boys. They love me no matter how stressed I am or how messy the house is. I have a wonderful husband who adores me. Even on the days when I am irritable and grumpy or haven’t changed out of my pajamas/brushed my hair though it is 3 in the afternoon. He works very hard and always strives to be his best so that we as a family can enjoy the best. I have a warm and comfortable home which my husband has diligently remodeled to accommodate our family comfortably. I enjoy the luxury of a well running vehicle to get around wherever I need to go. Thanks to my husband I have a caring extended family who loves my boys the way they deserve to be loved and accept me for who I am. I have my health which is amazing since I don’t consciously attempt to be healthy (i.e. exercise, eat right, or see the doctor as often as I should). Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate these and all of the great things in my life I just feel that I don’t do it often enough. So in 2010 I am making this appreciation more of a focus in my days and weeks. I will treat it like a favored bracelet or purse and put it on more often no matter how much it clashes with my outfit (mood). I could resolve to lose weight, quit smoking, be nicer to animals and small children but I think for this year I will stick with this simple thing which seems like an easier resolution. I will stop to smell the roses even when I feel I am neck deep in the weeds. Hey, I may even blog once a month about one or two things I am appreciative of at that time. Or, like every other resolution I've made in past years I will forget 3 months in and go on about my life. I guess I can do nothing but try.