Bedtime Lockdown

I am about to share with you a part of our bedtime routine which makes some mothers cringe. Now, now, don't let your mind wander because I do not have any cages laying around the house or a Tuff Shed converted into a toddler prison in the backyard. What I do is much more humane and in my experience has been suggested by experts. I lock my children's doors from the outside when they go to sleep at night. That's right, after 730 Lash and Remy lose their household privileges and are forced to stay in their rooms to do the unthinkable. SLEEP.

After you get over the original shock of hearing a mother say she locks her children's doors you may start to wonder about the possible fire hazard. Fear not good people. It's not like I have a padlock on the doors or several chain locks that would be impossible to slide in an emergency. No, we simply turned their knob locks around so the little locking mechanism faces into the hallway. In case of fire or unwanted intruder all we have to do is turn the little thingy and the boys are free!!! I have also discussed this around my firefighter brother in law and he didn't seem to disagree with it and usually he'll speak up about safety no matter what (like when we were installing our car seats without having them checked) so I took his silence as his blessing.

Now that the fire concern is out of the way and you have not decided to stop following the blog of such an evil and sadistic mother allow me to explain why I added locks to our night time routine and what information later vindicated my decision.

If you read my blog back in February you might know that my husband and I went to New Orleans for our annual 7 day kid less vacation. During our break from parenting duties my husband's mom kindly came to Vegas and watched my little dudes. She does a great job and my boys get to stay in their home while we are away allowing them some shred of normalcy without their lifeline, me. Upon our return home all seemed well until I went to bed that night. Around 10 or 11 I woke up suddenly to see a tiny little shadow scurrying around the hallway. This had never happened before because my children have been great sleepers since they were 4 months old. They had both been moved into toddler beds months prior and had never broken the golden rule of "stay". Though I knew the shadow was one of my toddlers it freaked me the fuck out. It was like one of those horror movies where a doll has come alive and is creeping around your house giggling wickedly. I got up and found my oldest Lash in the hallway. He informed me he was on his way to Remy's room for some play time. I sleepily admonished him and put him back in bed threatening bodily harm should he get up again. Though he went back to sleep that night every night after that one or both boys would get up throughout the night. I was perplexed to say the least (and tired as I hadn't had to night wakings since they breast fed).

After like 3 days of that nonsense I interrogated my father who lived with us at the time and he explained that it was something that started on day 2 of us being gone and that he had been the one to constantly put them back to bed because my mother in law is a hard sleeper. He also explained that she didn't address the situation thinking they would sleep sooner or later. She also thought they would sleep in the next day to make up for any lost sleep (which they never did because no matter what time they go to sleep or how many hours they lose at night they are up at the ass crack of dawn). I was worried because though we have a gate at the top of our stairs, my boys being the monkeys that they are, have often tried to climb the gate which leads to a straight drop down the stairs. I pictured being woken up to a broken and crying 2 year old laying lifeless on the stairs in the middle of the night. Not a picture to have in your head before bed at night.



The drop from our gate at the top of our stairs


I discussed the issue with Dave and the solution we came up with to keep Lash and Remy safe from themselves as well as preserve my much needed sleep (you haven't seen a bitch until you've seen me working off of 4 hours of sleep) was to turn their knobs around and lock them in. I know you've moved from fire terror to concern about the mental health of my kids. What would locking them in at night do to their psyche? Would they feel unloved like a dog left at the pound to rot? The answers are they're fine and no. On the first night of "Lock Down: Houston House" I explained to both boys that we would be locking their doors because it wasn't safe for them to wonder the house at night. I let them know that I had monitors for their rooms and would be able to hear them if they needed me but they needed to go to sleep and stay in their bed (or room at least) until morning. They were wary at first but have become totally used to it. Lash locks his door that leads to his Jack and Jill bathroom (a bathroom that goes through to the bedroom next to his). I placed a little potty in his room so he could relieve himself at night if he needs to, so no he isn't being denied bathroom privileges. This has worked well and though the boys still get up when they are first put to bed, they are safe and end up in bed because it is the only option after they have played for a while.

About the information that vindicated this decision. It did not come from those around me because though none of my friends judged me, none of them agreed with me either and all of them admitted they could "never" do that. I was actually vindicated by a professional (all be it one I watched on TV but a pro none the less). I was watching reruns of that show Raising Sextuplets with the sweet blonde, her anger management dropout husband, and their 6 toddlers one day when I came across an episode dealing with getting the sextuplets to stay in their rooms at night. The producers of the show brought in a sleep expert from Parenting magazine who told blondie and her agro boy to do exactly what I had already done. She explained that when children are babies their crib is their safe place at night but once they graduate into a toddler bed their bedroom becomes their crib. She explained that you must safety proof it (which I have totally done in Lash and Remy's rooms) then lock the door so they are in their safe place. Over time they will learn to just go to sleep (which my boys re-learned after a few weeks). Up until that point I was pleased with my results but wondered if I was doing something wrong. Turns out I was doing something right. I was keeping my boys safe even though those around me felt it was a radical and maybe unacceptable idea. Thank god I am a maverick when it comes to motherhood and follow my instincts not magazines and other moms or I may have had that broken toddler thought become reality.

I don't foresee locking them in forever (though when they're 16 we may turn the joint into San Quentin) but for now it seems like more of a safety requirement. Lash can unlock the front door now and Remy isn't far behind on that skill so until they can fully understand the consequences of such actions as well as the importance of sleeping they will keep their locks. And I will keep my sanity.

What about you? Do you think locking them in is a negative thing which will damage them irreparably or have you gotten an idea from this post? What do you do to keep your little creepers in at night? 

Fallout from the Housing Crisis or Karma?

I truly believe in Karma. Not in a overly new age hippy way, but I do subscribe to the belief that what you put out is what you get back. When I was younger I did not hold this belief and lived my life accordingly. But, as I’ve aged like the fine wine that I am, I have made decisions and dealt with people in a manner that is as honest and non destructive as humanly possible (sometimes fall out is unavoidable but I do my best to make it as small as I can). I think some of my earlier years are catching up to me though.

Recently our neighborhood has seen a rise in crime. My husband has lived here for over 10 years and though the neighborhood has changed rapidly due to the recession he has been slow to catch up. Feeling safe and usually being completely distracted (a phone grows out of his ear from morning till night) Dave had been less than vigilant with locking our cars. Now, he has done so in the past with no repercussions but in the last 2 years someone has marked our cars as easy targets (duh) and taken advantage. We have had about 5 “get ins” (cannot call them break ins when you leave it unlocked) which resulted in the theft of a wallet, GPS device, jewelry, and other little shit which didn’t matter. Though I was perplexed and felt completely violated I have started to think it might be Karma having her PMS revenge on my husband and I for past actions. As teenagers we both shoplifted. We never stole from an individual deciding instead to “stick it to the man” and steal from large stores. I don’t think we realized until later that shoplifting affects everyone because it costs the stores which in turn costs everyone. Needless to say, these actions were a part of our history and we learned valuable lessons from committing our petty crimes. We both ended our thieving ways before entering our twenties but, Karma, being the vengeful and lazy bitch that she is, seems to be paying us back now. The losses we’ve had hurt but if this is Karma, we have accepted our medicine and now are vigilant about our cars and belongings. We repent our sins.

I mentioned previously that it might be Karma because my second thought (and what I feel is the more solid theory) is that maybe these incidents aren’t Karma but the unmentioned after effects of the foreclosure boom. The reason I think this is because these thefts are happening to those who remember to lock up their shit as well as those of us that don’t. A recent example is my neighbor across the street took his son camping this past weekend and someone stole his box trailer from up the street. These fools pulled up with a truck and hooked that bad boy up rolling away like they owned the shit. My neighbor is the nicest guy and that trailer has been in this hood for years so why the hell now? Is Karma rearing her ugly head at our neighborhood collectively or has the explosion of renters and short sale procurements brought an element to our neighborhood for which none of us are prepared?

I am in no way saying all  renters and people lucky enough to swoop up a 250,000 dollar home for 50,000 are bad people. In fact, until I married Dave I was a permanent renter with no hope of ever owning anything (husband numero uno was not a productive team member). What I am saying is that the renters and short sale buyers we’ve seen move into our area recently are less than impressive folks (of ALL races). They’re the type of people who do not care for their yards or their children. They are folks who move 25 people into a single family residence and then take up all available parking. They are couples who move in with their teenage children then seem to disappear leaving said teens to roam freely into all hours of the night. It is a diverse yet disappointing group of newbies to say the least.

Since we live in Las Vegas many would think the criminal element would be everywhere but I have to tell you that the area we live in is pretty (or was) quiet until this whole recession debacle hit. Now we have thefts, loud people hanging out on the street behind our house at midnight, and beat downs of the poor old dude that works graveyard at the gas station on the corner. That is why I wonder if everything is Karma or if the news and government has left out a very important repercussion of the housing crisis.

If all of the bad juju was limited to my husband and I, I would attribute it completely to Karma but since it’s spreading like crabs in a nightclub bathroom stall I am beginning to think we need to get our move on. We have always discussed buying property and building our own little compound but it seems some unknown force is pushing us to stop discussing and start doing. It’s sad when having neighbors becomes the plague and all you dream of is enough property to separate yourself from everyone and anyone around you. To get your house far enough off the street and your property wall tall enough to block out the world at large so you can keep safe those possessions you may have forgotten to lock up but did not forget to PAY FOR. What happened to the days of neighborhood barbeques and occasional egg loans? Evidently our neighborhood has traded those days in for petty larceny and geriatric bullying.

What do you think? Karma or social deterioration brought about by the sudden easy access of shady individuals to quiet, law abiding neighborhoods?

I’m Becoming a Poor Man’s Martha Stuart

A running theme for some of my days is boredom. Not every day, but most days, I am straight up bored. I like to be with my boys but their topics of conversation are limited and let’s face it, Play Doh lost its luster like 25 years ago. A recent activity I have found to stave off this boredom is to go to the craft store and find little projects to do (only 2 have been done to date). Now, I am a very creative person. I feel I have a flair for writing when I put my mind to it. However, artistic, I am not. I love to do art but the product is usually reminiscent of my kindergarten projects. I attempted a scrapbook while pregnant with my first son and I have to admit it is in a closet with one page done (the photos on said page are from his ultrasound signifying how far I got). My first project since that failed scrapbook was these name plaques I made last month for my son’s bedroom doors:

The name plaques kicked off my project extravaganza (more ideas than product right now). I felt I did well with those damn plaques even if they are rudimentary (my kids liked them and saw them as a testament of my love). The actual painting of the plaques also had a calming effect amidst my chaos. I realized that I could shut out all of the noise and drama of a two toddler home when focused on a project. Though I am not a crafter in nature and I admit I was one who scoffed at and occasionally made fun of those who were, I can now see why people become crafters.

Once I finished the plaques I began perusing Michael’s website for something else to do and I noticed a link to Styrofoam wall art. Not believing Styrofoam could make art of any kind I looked over it and decided I liked what I saw. The directions were easy enough and I began to believe I could pull it off so I went in to get the materials and began "creating". After several adhesive mishaps (the site failed to add that almost no glue works on a porous surface like Styrofoam) I found the right stuff. How strange the right product was actually named “Styrofoam adhesive”. As for the overall project, that shit was harder than the directions let on and not at all as enjoyable as the plaques. I found myself rushing to finish after making the first square. I wanted to give up several times but couldn’t because the materials cost like 60 bucks and I did not want to be a wasteful heathen. I charged forward and as a result of my buyer’s remorse dedication this is the final product which hangs on my bathroom wall:

I have been looking at my “wall art” for a few weeks now and I guess they’re not that bad. I do not, however, suggest working with Styrofoam to anyone. I have realized that pre-fabricated projects are more my speed (as seen in the plaques) so I think my next project will be along those lines. I’m better at finishing something that has already been started than I am at creating something from several variables. Pre-fabrication, It’s a good thing.

The next project I would like to do and am currently searching for is wooden bookends I can decorate for my boy’s rooms. I am also debating on whether or not to try my hand at jewelry making (just because you can doesn’t always mean you should). As for my homemade home design I may be retiring from that though I have to admit my home is full of temptation. I have a blank wall in my living room that needs a little something and I would like to create a center piece for my dining room table. Decorating these two spots in my home may be best left to a Bed, Bath, and Beyond shopping trip but if this boredom sticks around I will probably get brave again. Maybe I’ll just try finishing a scrapbook because you can now buy those almost ready made which is right up my ally. But then I’d have to select and print all of the pictures and pick a design (ugh) Martha Stuart I am not.

Do you admit to crafting on occasion or are you a proud crafter? Have you attempted to decorate your home with your own homemade stuff?

Hats Off to Single Parents

I would suck at single motherhood. I am in total awe of the women and men that do this tough and sometimes lonely job. My husband left yesterday for his 5 day sausage fest that he and his buddies call a fishing tournament in Mexico and I am already miserable. Though he doesn't do much while he is here the fact is, he is here. I have someone to talk to that knows and loves my boys like I do. When he gets home from work he deflects some of their attention from me so I can breath a little. Sometimes he even comes home midday and takes the little guys off my hands for an hour of peace. He cooks for us almost every night and his presence allows me to go to the bathroom by myself during evenings and weekends. No matter what my day is like, when we crawl into bed at the end of the day and he cuddles me everything is okay. I find comfort and companionship in my husband in a way I do not have with anyone else. I can't imagine raising my boys without him. I know it can be done but even just these few days without him I am finding it lonely and hard. Plus, if he weren't around I would have to work on top of caring for my little terrors alone so I imagine I would be totally drained. Never mind that I would sooner or later have to attempt dating which would be a whole issue unto itself for me.

A friend of ours is a single mom and I give her mad props. Raising kids is a tough job but to do it on your own is like triple duty. I am in no way saying a single parent doesn't have a good quality of life I am just saying I admire how hard it must be at times. Sometimes (okay pretty much all of the time) I take my husband for granted and focus more on what he isn't doing. When he is gone I get clarity on all he does do and it makes me appreciate my luck in finding and having him. I am so proud of all of the single parents out there. You are brave souls and you often don't get the recognition and break you deserve. I guess I'm just feeling lonely but sitting here with 2 crazy toddlers with no prospect of my husband's return until Tuesday got me thinking. I wouldn't like single parenthood and totally look up to all of those people that do it happily and successfully. My hat is off to all of you. You f-ing rock!!!

The Kitchen is Done, Man

My title is a sad reference to a line from the movie Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. Anywho, my kitchen is finally done and I am in LOVE. My kitchen was sad and ugly before but now it's so beautiful. My husband and I keep saying we feel like we broke into someone else's house and are using their kitchen. I can't even use it comfortably as I am not ready to break it in "Sabreena Style". I am not one to do dishes immediately after a meal, they will usually sit for a few hours if not overnight but now I feel like I have to do them or ruin the new sink. Though I love this kitchen this new urge to keep it nice is really cramping my half-ass housekeeping style I have worked so hard to perfect. I am sure this temporary OCD will wear off and I will get back to the lazy old me but for now I will slack off in other departments like laundry or dusting to make up for the extra work I am doing in the food containment area of our house.

Here are some pictures of the new kitchen:

If you'd like to see what the kitchen looked like during the loooooong construction check out my post A Break from the Monotony.

A Break From the Monotony

As a follow up to yesterday's bitch fest about cleaning I forgot to disclose that I don't have to clean the first floor of my house this week because we are in the middle of remodeling our kitchen leaving our kitchen and dining room to look like this:



Dining (all kitchen items piled here)

Kitchen(cupboards are going in and granite being cut)

This is where my sink,dishwasher,and trash compactor will go

Though these are only two of the three areas downstairs I am considering the mess and clutter my excuse to ignore the living room as well. I am keeping the bathroom clean since the construction workers are using it but other than that I am free!!! No dishes, no vacuum, no dusting (sawdust everywhere anyway), and no vacuum. I am also granted a reprieve from laundry since our water softener is disconnected while the sink is gone. There's no water to my washing machine!! A bit inconvenient but we have enough to wear (if you don't mind holes and grease stains). I feel liberated. We are spending a fortune in eating out though so I hope my Utopia ends by this weekend the way it is scheduled to. For now though, I am kicking back and enjoying my big break. Check back soon as I will be posting pics of my new kitchen when it's done.

Merry Christmas!!!!

Adventures In Monotony

I waste a lot of time wondering how I waste so much time and why I feel so overwhelmed. It’s not like my duties as housewife change every two days, but I still couldn't’t figure out why nothing was getting done. Then, I figured it out. I feel overwhelmed which leads to me doing nothing at all because I am the queen of avoidance. Though my job activities are fairly simple they become overwhelming because they never feel done. When I taught I had the ability to feel accomplishment and that I had COMPLETED a task. I could measure this through my students’ grades after a lesson or through finishing a section of a textbook successfully. No matter what I do around this damn house nothing ever feels done. I can (and on occasion do) spend a whole day cleaning and scrubbing and washing only to have my husband and kids screw it up within the first hour of being home. My boys (who lets face it don’t know better yet) get more food on the table during one meal than in their little stomachs, my husband will ash/shave (without rinsing) in the sink I just cleaned, or my dad will make his morning toast without cleaning up the subsequent crumbs. So, after busting my ass I have to go back and clean the same thing within hours of its first scrubbing which I refuse to do because I am not the Merry fucking Maids and housework bores me to the point of tears. It took me so long to figure this out but this is why nothing gets done, because if I can’t feel that sense of accomplishment at least once or twice a week for more than 2 hours I will avoid doing the task. I understand that we live here and that shit happens (both in and out of my children’s diapers) so all I’m asking is that the other adults that live here pick up after themselves the first day or two after they notice I have cleaned. I chose to be a housewife and take care of my family which I don’t mind on a reasonable basis but that does not mean I am an indentured servant or Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day”. I do not wish to clean the sink or toilet twice a day. I prefer to do it like 2 times a week (that may be lazy but that’s the way I roll). Now instead of wasting time wondering how I waste time I am free to waste my time plotting a scheme to extract some assistance from the other residents of my house (bigs and littles).
Hmmmm, looks like I’ll be waking up in Punxsutawney again tomorrow.

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