I Curse Therefore I Reap

As those of you with kids understand the first year is spent in blissful freedom. You can talk about whatever you want however you want because the baby doesn't know the damn difference. Then out of nowhere you have a 3 year old saying "God dammit" when he crashes his bike, calling one of his fellow prisoners at daycare an asshole, or telling you "I always say fuck mama". He perks up when you discuss toys or going out somewhere. To put it simply, you have a mini eavesdropper in your midst and you have to adjust. This seems to happen faster than your mouth and mind are ready for. I try spelling things I don't want my kids to hear to my husband but he's a little slow on the uptake and I end up attempting to whisper it. But 3 year old radar ears picks that up and is instantly all up in the biz. Don't get me wrong, I love that he has learned to understand and process his world. Hell, I'm kinda proud he uses curse words in perfect context (pat on the back for teaching him shit can be used as an exclamation and not just to label what comes out of his ass). The problem is it is socially unacceptable for my 2 year old to exclaim "Holy shit" when the barbeque is on fire no matter how appropriate it is for the situation. I have begun to practice word substitution. My 3 year old has caught on and will assist. He came up with saying "doughnut" for dammit. So now when I curse he calls me on it by saying "Mama don't say shit" or whichever offensive word I've chosen (I've tried to tell him to chastise me by saying we don't say bad words but he insists on repeating whatever word I've used) and I quickly try to come up with a substitute that sounds like the word. Having trouble with quick thinking however I have used "omit" for shit and that didn't quite work. I don't understand why this transition has been difficult, I was a teacher and refrained from cursing in front of my students all year. It's probably because this is my home so my comfort level increases my verbal offenses. Either way I have a couple of mini sailors on my hands and the deprogramming seems to go much slower than the original programming, I'm working at it diligently though. Now to just figure out how to keep up on the substitutions during my husband's Sunday football games.