Thursday, December 3, 2009

I Curse Therefore I Reap

As those of you with kids understand the first year is spent in blissful freedom. You can talk about whatever you want however you want because the baby doesn't know the damn difference. Then out of nowhere you have a 3 year old saying "God dammit" when he crashes his bike, calling one of his fellow prisoners at daycare an asshole, or telling you "I always say fuck mama". He perks up when you discuss toys or going out somewhere. To put it simply, you have a mini eavesdropper in your midst and you have to adjust. This seems to happen faster than your mouth and mind are ready for. I try spelling things I don't want my kids to hear to my husband but he's a little slow on the uptake and I end up attempting to whisper it. But 3 year old radar ears picks that up and is instantly all up in the biz. Don't get me wrong, I love that he has learned to understand and process his world. Hell, I'm kinda proud he uses curse words in perfect context (pat on the back for teaching him shit can be used as an exclamation and not just to label what comes out of his ass). The problem is it is socially unacceptable for my 2 year old to exclaim "Holy shit" when the barbeque is on fire no matter how appropriate it is for the situation. I have begun to practice word substitution. My 3 year old has caught on and will assist. He came up with saying "doughnut" for dammit. So now when I curse he calls me on it by saying "Mama don't say shit" or whichever offensive word I've chosen (I've tried to tell him to chastise me by saying we don't say bad words but he insists on repeating whatever word I've used) and I quickly try to come up with a substitute that sounds like the word. Having trouble with quick thinking however I have used "omit" for shit and that didn't quite work. I don't understand why this transition has been difficult, I was a teacher and refrained from cursing in front of my students all year. It's probably because this is my home so my comfort level increases my verbal offenses. Either way I have a couple of mini sailors on my hands and the deprogramming seems to go much slower than the original programming, I'm working at it diligently though. Now to just figure out how to keep up on the substitutions during my husband's Sunday football games.


Brittany at Mommy Words said...

I so relate it is SO hard not to curse in the house. We have now stopped saying all bad words just so we can avoid coming near the actual curses. This makes us all sound like bumbling idiots saying things like dookie and such. UGH!

Now following!

Tina said...

i sooo curse like a "truck driver" and now have a 9 year old who can spit out a good "fuck, fuck, fuck" while playing his video game.
I haven't gotten any calls from school telling me of his use of swear words i to am proud he knows enough NOT to say them in school or around my mom!!!
RFLMAO..... xoxo

No Minimom said...

That's some funny shit (pun intended!). Thanks for stopping by the old blogstead. Good luck with your pre-Christmas clean up. Or at least better luck than I'm sure I'll have since I'm completely LAZY.

Veronica Lee said...

Hi! I'm visiting from MBC. Great blog.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! I currently have a 4 month old. My bf and I can't curb our swearing at home, but at work we are angels. My fear is that her first words will be "fuck this shit".

Sabreena said...

Tell me about it. Though it's cute and kinda funny the first time they say it once it becomes habit it's embarrassing. We are getting better and my 3 year old has done it less. This parenting shit is hard!

Melody said...

I will never forget the first time my darling Sabreena who was all of 3ish & the cutest of cute little girls, let loose a string of swear words in front of her very stoic & self righteous Grandparents at her brothers birthday, that I could only hang my head in humiliated silence. The disaproving stares & nods were encouragement enough to have a very long talk with her over what shouln't be said in polite company.
Of course reading her blogs makes my cheeks red. AND I'M THE ONE WHO TAUGHT HER THOSE WORDS?

Naomi de la Torre said...

Hi! I'm visiting from MBC. You are so funny. I signed up to follow you! I have a post about the same topic. You can read it here if you want:

Anyway, thanks for a good laugh! See you again soon.

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