New Orleans, My New City of Dreams

So, as you may have read in my previous post (there are now 35 of “you” and I am assuming because of that someone is now reading this) Vay-Cay my husband and I went away for 7 wonderful kid/cleaning/work free days. We just returned on Tuesday hence the reason I have not blogged. I had more fun in those 7 days than I have had any day of my whole 31 years of life. As I had mentioned in my earlier post the last 2 years we have gone to the Bahamas and St. Lucia. As weird and impossible as this sounds this year New Orleans kicked both of those locations ass. We awoke each morning around 1030 and left our hotel room around 12pm so the MAID could clean up after us while we enjoyed food and drink. There was so much more to do in New Orleans than any of the other exotic beach locations and since we were a block from the French Quarter and Waterfront we could walk everywhere. We took a Swamp tour which I don’t suggest in winter because anything worth seeing in the swamp is pretty much dormant during winter (which they fail to tell you or account for in the pricing but it was still fun and our guide Bishop was great). We also took a Vampire tour which sounds cheesy but is very interesting. The night of the tour the fog settled eerily on the streets of the Quarter and our guide was a fountain of facts about interesting murders and missing persons history around the city. My husband and I even tried Absinthe for the first time that same night. Not a great tasting beverage but at 120 proof you can get past the taste and right to the buzz. Speaking of buzz, Friday night of our stay I discovered a drink they call the Hurricane which did me right in said buzz department. Sadly due to our drunken euphoria my husband and I decided to go into one of the many Bourbon street nightclubs called “Love Acts” (you may be able to guess the entertainment offered at such a venue). Now, being from Vegas I enjoy a good strip club as much as the next guy (except for Cheetahs, those bitches are totally fucking for money I know it). Decent law abiding strippers are fun, soft, and a nice way to get the marital juices flowing but this strip club was straight up depressing. Pictures of pretty woman adorn the windows but these women are no where to be found upon entering. We were seated right in front of the tiny unhygienic stage after fulfilling our 1 drink minimum. Then a large breasted bad weaved dancer proceeded to clomp around the stage. No one else was tipping so my husband and placed some pity dollars upon stage and discussed how gross the establishment was and debated whether or not to stay at which time the bad weave placed my husband’s unwashed dollar bills in his mouth for him to place in between her large breasts. He obliged because spitting them out and running would have been rude. Plus, they were really big boobs (she let me feel them, such a giving young lady). Let me tell you, stripper glitter and perfume do not come off without a lot of scrubbing. The next “act” consisted of two un-endowed, bruised young girls, one complete with a c-section scar (I’m not judging I too have scars but I have chosen a more covered line of work), wobbling around together and imitating “Love Acts”. We again placed pity dollars on stage which one tried to place between my breasts so she could take them with her mouth. I politely declined as did my husband and we high tailed it out of there. Those were the first strippers I felt sorry for. They were not well kept and hot like the ones we have here. There was little to no money on stage unlike the hundreds thrown around here so it was more sad there than fun. After that we avoided all other such clubs for the rest of our trip preferring to have such experiences here at home where the biz is cleaner and the girls are hotter (again just my opinion). In summation, New Orleans is the most fun and interesting city we have been to and we are planning many trips back. We even redecorated our bathroom in New Orleans fare out of our newly found love for the place. My husband is on a Cajun cooking kick. I have fallen in love with the pastry known as a Beignet which he will be attempting to perfect this weekend. Both of us were recharged and behaving like newlyweds again. I realized more than ever that he is "The One". After 7 full days together I would have loved nothing more than to spend a full 7 more. He is really the only person I need to have a great time where ever I may be and these vacations are a nice reminder of this fact. Though the next few weeks will be spent catching up and deprogramming my boys (grandmas have little to no rules but thank gosh mine have the time to allow us such a long vacation) it was well worth it. We are already planning next year’s big 7 day bender. Who knows, maybe we’ll be lighting it up in a city near you.